Why Not Me?

queen

I started writing a story, when my now four year old daughter was a baby. It was slow going. I was studying my Bachelor too and didn’t have much time to write, so it kind of got pushed aside. Then when I started back on it. My laptop blew up and I lost 3 chapters of the story and couldn’t retrieve them. So once again it got pushed aside and than I fell pregnant with my second child and it wasn’t the easiest pregnancy, so again it got put off.

Until this year, when it suddenly hit me. I’ve got to get this done. I’m not exactly sure what triggered this sudden urge, so strong that I couldn’t leave it any longer.

Maybe it was the writers meeting I attended and the inspirational speakers and fellow writers. Perhaps it was an awakening? I’ve struggled with anxiety and PTSD and through this, I’ve learnt so much about myself and I’m beginning to realise that I am capable of so much more then I give myself credit for.

So I ask the question, to myself and to you…WHY NOT ME?

So my first achievement was publishing my poetry collection; Horns & Halo’s and the next big thing is publishing my fantasy novel, Raven Child. Which I’m very close to finishing my first draft. (In my next post I’ll explain the storyline.) rise

I have two young daughters with no family support, so this has been a challenge in itself. But when you have passion and love for something, you make it happen.

So, no matter how small, work towards your goals each and everyday. Even just 20 minutes spare each day or just jotting down idea’s. You’ll be amazed at the results!

Love Jen xxx

 

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Whiskey Glass

woodman

Photo by Frances Livings

The dewy kiss of morning light,
shines upon our wallpaper
water stains
crease the lines
and bare our pain
lipstick marks the mirror,
crimson curled
floral and mould weave
an asymmetrical pattern
breathing life into where we dwell

walls2

Photo by Francesca Woodman

We’re the sawed off pieces of vintage
lace blowing against the window frame
The rotting leg, of a Victorian chase
mercury glass hangs –
the ceiling; a cold damp place,
with a tobacco stench

You, sit in silence
with a comb through your hair,
like an willow branch bowed at the waist
once an oriental lily,
now a bud cut from a stem

I, sit in silence
with a whiskey glass in my hand,
fingers blanched
Blank and vacant decadence
a childlike glance

We can’t recollect
a time before this,
Our withered bones and shredded skin
glisten in the sun
breeding
an unfortunate tale
one of stagnant drench.

@ J.CALVERT 2017

When I wrote this, I had a clear picture in my head, of a beautiful women fading-vacant and a man with a whiskey glass in hand. A time of depression, where the bottle took over their lives. Not sure where this poem came from, but it was written. Funny how the writers mind works.

Do you often read your work back and think where did this come from?

To Wear Our Scars?

 

There is a scar
that covers about three inches of skin
on soft tissue,
just above your breast,
it runs a jagged line
it reminds me of a flower vine
creeping up your neck,
faded in time
a silver tattoo left,

Does it feel different on the tongue?
I run my lips across the serrated point
Quickening with every lick,
Each mark holds a depth untold
I feel a beating pulse within –
more than just a hollow organ;
a heart of its own
flowing in feelings.

This scar that is visible
carried upon your chest
weighing too heavy
for you to undress
like a photograph –
a moment never forgotten.
A permanent welt.
A visible form.

If the scar wasn’t there to remind you?
Could you forget it?

Thoughts

It’s been on my mind –the idea of a scar. We all have scars. Some are visible, some hidden and those buried so deeply, that we are ourselves are shocked to find they are there.

Does wearing our scars in different ways affect our-self?
Do we carry them for everyone to see?
Or hide them so deeply, that we forgot them, for a time.

Because even if we bury our burdens, they have a way of resurfacing.
Is it better to wear our scars?

WRITTEN BY J.CALVERT 2016

ALL PHOTOGRAPHS BELONG TO TALENTED PHOTOGRAPHER ANNA O.PHOTOGRAPHY 2015

I’m Still Here

I’m still here

lingering in the chaos

of the day.

I haven’t disappeared, although it might seem so. I’m still here, but the last few months have seen me too busy to write much or get on to read all your fabulous work, here on WordPress. I’m sorry for that, because every poet should read a lot of poetry.

So, where have I been and why so busy?

Well I just handed in my last and final uni essay. It has been a long six years of study. Between work, pregnancy and children, writing and life in it’s self. I’m finally finished,

Oh the relief!

The feeling of utter relief washed over me, when I pressed send on my uni website. This is it; no more uni essays. Until the next time, I have the wonderful idea of ‘hmmm maybe I should study some more?’ Please NO! But that is me, always challenging myself, always thinking of the next dream. Will it ever stop. Even now, I’m thinking, what next?

But for right now I need to enjoy my free time. Huh what free time? I have a three year old and another on the way. Yes, I’m pregnant, with another beautiful daughter. So life as I know it, will change again. I’ll be even more busier. If that’s possible?

 

 

 

 

 

Holidays In Tasmania 

  I haven’t been around on WordPress as much as usual this week. I have been away on holidays, visiting family in Tasmania. Having a wonderful time, from food festivals to wineries and lots of family fun. 

Tasmania is a beautiful state. Great food, wine, quaint houses and stunning scenery. The weather is a lot cooler here though, but makes for a nice change.
Loving the simple things in life! 

Jen xxx

A Million Tiny Little Pieces + One 

I feel like my life is just a million tiny little pieces, plus one. Shattered. Broken, trying to fit back together. My heart hurts and I’m trying fantically to find my purpose. My worth and belief in myself is cutting to the core and I’m searching in panic for answers which never come. ‘A massive day at work, and a rejection email for a poetry journal, and relentless hard work, all rolled into one.’

   
 
    
 

 

 

Night Out With The Girls

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Tonight, I’m off to dinner, with the girls. I don’t get to go out much because I have a toddler! So I’m really looking forward to dressing up, and having a few wines and some yummy dinner. Hope your night, morning, or afternoon is wonderful, where ever you may be!

Jen xxx

 

Be Yourself

 

  
Today, is the day I stop, comparing myself to anyone else. To believe in who I am. To grow as myself and leave behind my doubt. To face fear head on. Today is a defining moment in becoming. I am me.